Tag Archives: depression

Mountains & Oceans

The weight starts adding up

the moment the lights go out

and dreamland arrives,

the weight piles up

minute by minute

hour by hour

pound by pound,

until around the time

the sun rises

until around the time

the roosters start to crow

it feels like a mountain

it feels like an ocean

it feels like the universe

holding you down

crushing your body

crushing your spirit

crushing your will to…

will you just get up already!!!

and its already 7…

and its already 8…

and you’re already late

but can’t lift the weight

wish this mountain would crumble

so at least you could try

to stumble out from the darkness

but there’s no lifeline

you’re all alone in this coal mine

eating dead canaries

trying not to starve

using broken bones to carve

love letters to dead sinners

but the saints will eat

our hearts for dinner

lets load coal in carts

and hope it starts

to burn

Ash Wednesday comes

our stomachs start to churn

start to crave blood-red wine

and midnight walks with Patsy Cline

and a gallon of moonshine

and a fine pine box

now it’s too late for TED Talks

and the doves are dying

to be hawks

and one fish,

two fish,

red, white, and blue fish

and cable or dish

and tossing coins

pollutes the well

I wish I weren’t here

you’ll see me in swells

get swept away

hell or high water

drown any day

will grandma still pray

and will the cows still lay down

when it rains

will the fresh white paint

hide the stains

will the sweet red wine

clog the drains

plant sugarcane

to sweeten the deal

sell liquor and coke

theres mass appeal

all mirrors and smoke

and polished steel

and bullets and pullets

and brooding hens

and methlabs and rehab

and a blurry lens

looking back on history

wash it clean like Listerine

and what’s it mean

red hands seem clean

when oils like water,

how can we ween?

and have you seen the mountains

of bones and dreams denied

and oceans filled

with all the tears

a billion eyes have cried

the universe has endless love

but all they preach is hate

while blind men start to argue

the elephant storms the gate

she ran away from the circus

too many lions and stale bread

the tightrope snapped

the jester clapped

the prophets left for dead

and now red, white, and blue

form puddles on the floor

since mountains grow

and oceans flow,

leave flowers at the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fog

Trapped here in London

or is it the city

by the bay

day after day

after day

after day

pea soup

drowning

socked-in

frowning

downing

handfulls of

hope you wake up

still here

still live in fear

still drinking cheap beer

and box wine

and moon shining

over the bay now

but fog still hanging

over the day

hanging around

but can’t stay

away from grey skies

flies in the ointment

and dissapointment

less boom,

more bust

and appointment

after appointment

and happiness rusts

and trust in pills

and refills

more refills

it helps kill

but window sills

still curtains drawn

all bridges burned

all hope is gone

more dope

less dawn

rising at mid-day

binging on Netflix

stay away

don’t want to see

you or anyone

Johnny’s gone

I took his gun

now counting bullets

one, two, three

come fly away,

eternity

the Devils down

on bended knee

but final pleas

won’t set you free

the fog won’t lift

you’ll never see

everything

you meant to me

and everyone.

Put down the drugs

and throw out the gun,

come to the island

live life in the sun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Olive Tree

daylight fading

into evening shade

tree branches swaying

old record played

on repeat

no street lights here

nothing to fear

but aching feet

and tired eyes

havent cried in too long

the records skipping

mid-song

just as I started

singing along

it’s all right

but I’m all wrong

and soon I’ll be

long gone

hit the road

before dawn

no looking back

wish I died in Iraq

ten years on

I cant write you

a love song

I hate myself

and the world

tippy-toe along

the wagons edge

ready to dive back in

diamonds and pearls

measure our worth

in burried treasure

it’s been a pleasure

but birds of a feather

hunker down

in stormy weather

and I’m held together

with bubble gum

and scotch tape

and I’ll try to fly

but I lost my cape

and it’s a long way

to the bottom

so I might die

before autumn

is through

I could run away

but they stole my shoes

so uncle sam asks,

have you heard the news? 

here’s a new pill, son

it’ll end your blues

and just then

the record skips

again

and the rooster killed

our favorite hen

the prescription’s filled

its in the pigpen

and bacon and grits

will give you the shits

heres some ramen and spam

have you seen her tits?

you must go

milk her now

said the farmer

about the cow

now these fields

will go unplowed

and ashes to ashes

and dust to dust

and even the brand new shovel

rusts

but it’s good enough

to dig my grave

we were neither free,

nor brave

I gave it a shot

but now I will rot

this is goodbye

on my terms

please just let me

feed the worms

plant an olive tree

right here

remember,

theres nothing to fear

but day to day

and year to year

made me sick

of grinding gears

now aloha means

goodbye

my darling,

do not cry…

 

 

 

 

Ala Moana

Looking down

at the street below

from this 14th floor

hotel window

I see the sidewalk

where my family sleeps

if God is real

I hope it weeps

for what society

has become

we don’t see our sister

just another bum.

 

Her heart was broken

soul almost dead

she needs more

than just some bread…

She needs a friend

she needs a brother

she needs family

when she asked me

for some change

I saw humanity.

 

So I changed my destination

from the local jazz club

to the ABC store

to buy her some grub

and as she ate a turkey sandwich

a tear came to her eye

she stared at me a minute

and then asked me why?

 

“I see my wife, sister, and mother

when I look at you

and all these people passing by

would stop

if they only knew

how much you’re hurting

how much you need a friend

take one step at a time

you’re heart will start to mend

bend but do not break

and take a look around

you were forsaken and alone

but sister, you’ve been found”

 

And I’m drowning in the silence

in between her words

spread your wings and fly, sister

just like the birds.

You’re a goddess

you’re Ohana

I just wish you knew

imagine heaven and you’ll have it

soon, your pain will be through.

You are not a bad person

but life dealt you a bad hand

in solidarity with you, sister

right here I’ll stand.

Daily Memories

so, it’s Memorial Day

sales

again

and I remember

when Cub Scout packs

would take up the back

of the parade

and families would struggle

to find shade

along Main Street

in late May

with temperatures rising

we shuffled our feet

to the beat

of drums

back when

Vietnam Vets

were still

considered bums

by the Veterans

of the second great war

and, oh say

I can see more

Cub Scouts

getting ready to be

all that they can

be

and I can clearly

see

children being recruited

young minds being polluted

memorize these lines

pledge your allegiance

and fall in line

and left

right

left

and it’s time

to fight

now set your sights

on brown skin

and although it’s killing

its not a sin

and I command you

ten more push-ups

and hurry the hell up

and wait

and this is your fate

a decade down

the line

salt

and lime

drink these memories

far

far away

far away

far away

its Memorial Day

and if you fail

to come home a hero

in a flag draped casket

there will be mattress sales

and a shopping basket

at the grocery store

you can fill with

more

more

more

beer

and wine

and liquor

to wash away

the war

to wash away

the pain

to wash away

the years

shift through

the gears

back to first grade

back when you first made

up your mind

that we were

the good guys

you could see it

in the weary eyes

of the soldiers

getting off the plane

at Westover

after Amy

and Sarah

invited you to join them

and their parents

in their minivan

for a drive to Chicopee

to see

the returning men

and women

standing tall

and looking good…

and I understood

what I had to do

as I stood there

in my Cub Scout hat

and K-Mart shoes

and waved

a miniature American flag

looking back now,

I take a drag

and remember

a decade later

when we were given

miniature American flag

stickers to stick

on the front

of our football helmets

during the first week

of our senior year

and we did so proudly

but full of fear

in the days following

9/11/2001

and fifteen years later

we still haven’t won

whatever we were

supposed to win

and if I were still

Catholic

I would call it a

sin

what we did

in the years

that followed

following all that

nightly news

fear

we swallowed

like bitter pills

from the VA

and now

once again

it’s Memorial Day

but it’s not a day

to remember…

its become a day

to celebrate

capitalism

and ignore the embers

still smoldering

from the people

and cultures

we’re burning

to the ground

lost

never to be

found

and, while a few

of us

are yearning

for an end

to this

endless madness

while struggling through

this endless sadness

too many

keep turning

blind eyes

every day

as the hawk flies

and Lady Liberty

cries

not knowing

what to say

 

 

So, after you drive

your brand new car

home from the mattress store

try to remember

we’re still at war…

and as you wash down

your burgers

with too many beers

dont be afraid

to shed a few tears

for the nearly two dozen veterans

who will kill themselves today

as they do daily

and if I become a number

like them

dont blame me

it was my Uncle Sam

who failed me

as he failed

every last one

of his nieces

and nephews

abusing his power

abusing us all

please teach your children

the truth

so they refuse to fall

in line

and make the same mistake

that so many of us did

when we were just

good-hearted,

well-intentioned,

God-fearing,

patriotic,

naive,

brainwashed

American kids

 

 

 

 

 

Too Many

too many nights

spent black out drunk

too many days

left in a funk

 

too many years

spent wondering why

too many tears

will never dry

 

flip back through the pages

and I shake my head

ignored all the sages

I’ve made my own bed

 

and now I lay dying

for something that’s real

my heart has grown cold

I no longer feel

 

I lay here, I’m crying

these chapters foretold

theres no use in trying

I’ve grown far too old

 

my grey hair is thinning

this body’s in pain

the demons are winning

they’ll never be slain

 

the bottles near empty

and so is my tank

for this I have only

my own self to thank

 

this page is now ending

this chapter is too

with scribbles on paper

this book is now through

 

 

Jordan River Blues

I’ve got the Jordan River blues

they’ve got me on the news,

I’m drowning.

Rivers of blood flowing

carloads of tourists

going wine-tasting

and manger praying

eating stolen olives

we’re black sheep grazing

too far out

while I’m walking on water

I’m a fisherman

drown in Galilee

down and out

by the sea

side

Mediterranean resort

kill ’em all for sport

Gaza on my mind

where jellyfish stings

bring tear gas tears

sigh,

shift the gears

quick

sand running

stuck in rubble-filled

school yards

books still burn

in piles

pills piled up

sky high on

pills

piled up on splintered

wooden tables

built by bastard carpenters

for last suppers

need more wine

fine,

forgive them father

these Roman soldiers

must be

alcoholics

all they needed was a

taste

they fell off the wagon

sweet red wine

washing down war crimes

this is my blood

sweet red

no water left for Bedouins

to walk on

and on

and on…

walking on

no newsman can erase

footprints in the sands of history

repeating itself

history

forgotten

like the golden rule

do unto others

have them

realize we’re all sisters

and brothers

and have been

throughout

history

buried beneath settlements

cut down like olive trees,

kiss me on the cheek

and on the 3rd day

I’ll be back

if I don’t have a heart attack

offer up my other cheek

we’re brothers,

I don’t want you to hang

have another

cup of my blood

makes the green grass grow

another cup of my blood

lets get drunk,

toss those coins in the well

wish on silver stars

these scars can heal

just look at these hands

touch these hands

walk hand in hand

sands cover history

cover time

cover tombs of our children

forgotten in these sands

forgetting that

this is holy land

and you are

and I am

holy

holy

holy

but houses built on graves

stone our own flesh and blood

forgotten siblings

alone and forsaken

half buried in the mud

eat my body

and drink my blood

forget me not

as I rot

beneath the rubble

of rotten humanity

in trouble

this is my SOS

shit on shingles

buried up to my neck

broken back

broken heart

don’t know where to start…

I am your brother

this land is our mother

laying on her death bed

drink this wine

and eat this bread

it’s all I have to offer

they confiscated my boat off Gaza

no more loaves and fish

wish I was back in Tiberius

drinking wine with my brother

skipping stones on Galilee

maybe float dehydrated

on the dead sea

scroll through channels

this shit is depressing

my brothers oppressing me

but I forgive them

and me

we know not what we do

and see

settlers with tired eyes

and tattoos honoring dead grandparents

but hate for one

won’t erase the crimes

of another

won’t you please forgive us all,

mother?

We’re walking through sandstorms

with two blind eyes

waiting on a king with one

to philosophize,

tell us we’re right

tell us it’s all

right

tell us it’s all going to be all

right

but we’re all wrong

paving paradise’s streets

with bomb after bomb

still sing psalm after psalm

I fill rivers and drown

in blood and tears

drunk on bastard’s blood

gouge out my eyes

king me

while I sing

these Jordan River blues

stroll into town

greet me like a king

with palm fronds

kiss my ring

high on life

high on myself

drunk on my own blood now

who needs loaves and fish?

I wish I could put that bottle down

sweet red wine

running out of time

running out of wine

find me singing the blues

beneath the 2,000 year old

olive trees

find me

passed out

drunk

and alone

here in the Gethsemane

they never let me

past the gate.