After… (an ode to right now)

when will you call me?

after.

when can I see you?

after.

when are you coming home?

after…

and after a while,

after turned into forever

and every after

was a selfish mistake

void of love and laughter

after a while

the smile fades

and even the memory

goes away

after the sun sets

and the days blend

into years

after…

all that’s left is tear-stained

pages upon pages

upon which you wrote

your new story

after you ripped out and burned

the suicide note

scribbled on what was

meant to be your last

page

after pages of anger

and anxiety,

and daily hate mail

self addressed

too depressed to care

anymore

I’ll deal with it after

I’ll end this all

after…

and after

I dumped out the snake-oil

I realized

that the whole universe is mine

and that I am the whole universe

and everything is fine

if I just keep living

after the the light fades

because it’s not over,

that’s when the stars come out

and we dance by the moonlight

and the shadows start to play

and everything is perfect…

and then

after,

the sun slowly creeps his way back

over the horizon

and after today,

tomorrow will come

but I’m not worried about that anymore

after doesn’t matter

it’s just a tired word

used and abused

since it was first uttered,

and it’s meaningless

and yesterday

and tomorrow

are figments of my imagination

all that matters is now

this moment

this second

the present…

because there is no after

the past

and the future

are just different versions of now

and we can’t change or control

either

just now…

this moment

this second

the present…

there never was an after

after all

and after all that,

I get it

now

I’m not worried about

the next step

or the last

the future is the future

and the past is the past

this moment

this second

the present

is all we have…

is all we’ve ever had

and this step I’m taking now

more important

than all the left

right

lefts

of yesterday

or the barefoot strolling

through tomorrow’s sand

so I will stay

out of my own way

forget marking time

forget the start

and the finish line

right here

right now

this second

the present

this is all I have

and all I need

and after all that

lets all just breathe…

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