Chain Smoking, Still

I sat there cleaning my M4

going through the motions

as I stared out

at a depressing landscape

from the roof of our palace


and listening to Dave Matthews Band

on a hand-me-down i-pod

as my eyes are drawn

to a disfigured mosque

and I take another drag

and the Tigris catches my eye

and memorizes me,

brings me back

to the rivers of my youth

and I’m aching to swim

but know that these rivers

are nearly as polluted

as our minds

with chemicals

and oil

and death…

don’t drink the water

and don’t swim

but I’m drowning

every time our eyes meet

we were both taught

to see monsters ,

but while you might

I just see pain…

and I sit here now

chewing dates,

drinking chai

and chain smoking still

as I look up at the sky

I don’t see god


and I’m sick

of cleaning this goddamn M4

and god is in

those ‘monsters’ eyes

I realize it now

so I cry

and I look out at this city

with thousands of years

of history

and I dread our next mission

and I kiss the barrel of my 9

and contemplate jumping off this roof,

it could look accidental

but I’m a coward

so, I’ll play god again tomorrow

for others

since I can’t seem to kill myself

and for now

I light another cigarette

and stare out

between two rivers

puffing smoke signals

to the heavens

from this biblical land,

an SOS to the universe

so, who knows?

maybe tomorrow

I’ll choke to death on a date pit…


About soitgoes1984

I was born and raised on land stolen from the Pocumtuc. I now live on a small island in the middle of the Pacific ocean, on land that was stolen more recently, from the Hawaiians. I am addict, struggling to kick the habit of fossil fuel. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
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